My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Randomize
