hell yes lets make some ravioli
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
