OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
