my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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