We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
