My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
