I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Randomize
