My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
