Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Randomize
