haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
