my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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