just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
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