How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
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