come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Rumble strips road head = magical
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
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