The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
