Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Semen is not good for contacts.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
