Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
No...this little piggys going to the bar
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
