I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Randomize
