PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize