Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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