I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
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