I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
