just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
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