so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
