HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
