can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
