we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
