Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
