College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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