And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
you didnt know i had herpes?
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Randomize
