He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
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