I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
