dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
