never play flip cup with pint glasses
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
