Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
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