omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
what day is it and did you see me today?
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize
