Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
