If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Randomize
