He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
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