Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Someone came in the potted fern
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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