They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Randomize
