just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
whose ass print is on the piano?
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
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