im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
