Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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