If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
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