Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Randomize
