Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
