Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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