just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
