Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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