You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
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