I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
