I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
