Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Damn victory sex feels great
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Randomize
