I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Randomize
