He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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