soooo we both peed the bed last night...
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
