someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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