I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
