My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize
