I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
