I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
