she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize