well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize