No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
