I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Sorry about my life...
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
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