Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Randomize
