I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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