You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
wanna go halves on a baby?
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
