Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
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