Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
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