dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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